WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY
Even as I write this blog on World Mental Health Day, I am having an ‘off day’ mentally. I am anxious, unsettled, and uncomfortable in myself, and this is a fact of life that I have had to come to terms with over the last 15 years. I know I am not fully well, and maybe I never will be again. Who’s to say.
For some, mental health problems are a small blot on the bigger picture. An anomaly or a rarity.
For others, like me, mental health problems ebb and flow like the tide; the ups and downs are constant but some days the tides are stronger than usual.
One thing has been crucial to my stability for the last year or more though: Proud Baggies.
As a Manchester United fan and straight cishet male, it’s a little puzzling for all parties that I’m involved in the Proud Baggies at all. We can blame Liv Houlston for that, and a generous invite to join the Friday Football sessions back in Spring 2023.
Liv and I have known each other for some years, so she knew I was very keen on my football and had played a lot in the past. She also knew that I was fed up of injuries from egotistical men being too competitive in after-work kickabouts, and that I was dealing with burnout and relationship difficulties at the time.
Joining the football sessions was a breath of fresh air into a frustrating time of life. Suddenly I had something to look forward to again each week, to get out of the house for, to look after myself for. I kept going every week and I still do.
The launch of Proud Baggies FC in January doubled down on what Friday football had done for me. I’m active and I’m sociable. I’ve met new people, good people, people I can be friends with and with whom I can be myself - good or bad, happy or sad. People check in on my wellbeing but they don’t tell me to stop being moody or poke fun when I’m having an off day.
We fast forward a little and I went through a particularly bad breakup at the end of February/start of March 2024. The end of my longest ever relationship.
I was still suffering with burnout (and perhaps still am). Initially this was from doing too much work during the heights of the pandemic, but as that faded I somehow ended up basically being a carer/guardian for a seriously depressed partner. She was miserable so I was miserable. I was unfit, overweight, inevitably unhappy with my appearance, desperately trying to impress in my new job despite feeling exhausted, and my sleep pattern was atrocious. It’s not a viable way of living long-term and I’d already had a period out sick with stress in March 2023 - part of why Liv reached out to me.
The relationship ending was, in hindsight, the best thing for me. The problem was the stress at the time of dealing with that emotional and physical upheaval. I had to move; I couldn’t afford a three-bed semi on my own. There was redecorating, tidying so the landlord could re-list the house for new renters, hunting for new accommodation but so much being awful quality, worrying about money and if I’d run out of savings before I could move and begin the bounce back… it was a huge burden mentally that manifested with physical issues like heart palpitations, nasal congestion, and hyperventilating. Sleep took hours to happen some nights, and I’d wake up the next day feeling jaded and exhausted.
The football was something to cling on to. It was my escape. It was a chance to see people and be happy and oblivious and just lose myself in the enjoyment of the sport. Fitness and weight loss and tiring me out ready for sleep were and still are happy bonuses, but the big thing was the distraction.
Being part of the club allows me to be what I would consider my true self - a happy go lucky, wind-up merchant who just wants to run around and be involved. I’m a human Golden Retriever. For too long I’d not felt like myself, but PBFC brought that character back out, and even in the worst weeks… I still felt more of that connection to who I was than I’d had in years.
We fast forward again to October 2024 and things are better. I moved house in May. I live in a very nice flat. Work’s going great guns and they love me - much like how everyone at PBFC does. The dating life is still so so but I can’t have it all my way else where’s the challenge?
This year has also seen a big uptick in how much photography I’ve been doing, and I’ve new kit and new skills and had so many new experiences. It has been great fun, and here’s hoping I get more chances to show off in the future. I’d been too caught up with life to be able to enjoy it but now… I can’t see me falling away from it again, and that’s down to something as simple as joining a little football session for a kickabout - the tiny pebble that caused a landslide of change.
And this is how I’ll wrap up. It has been a rough four years for me but I’m bouncing back. It’s a work in progress though, so here’s what I’ve learned:
It’s okay to not be okay. Stigma is stupid and others judging you for having bad mental health just shows they’re not people worth your time or interest.
Take your mental health as seriously as you would your physical health!
Don’t be afraid to take time out from situations that are hurting your mental health.
Don’t bottle your feelings up - United legend Evie Rabjohn posted on Instagram today and said ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. You might feel guilty talking to friends and family, like you’re putting the problem on them, but trust me - good people who love you would rather you showed trust and faith in them and allowed them to help, rather than if you kept quiet and just disappeared from their lives.
Make sure your closest friends are reliable, trustworthy, and compassionate. Good people will undo stress and fear just by being there. Their confidence in you will give you the confidence to be you.
So yeah, there will be bad days, but there will be good ones too. Don’t drown yourself in the misery or you’ll never experience the joy.
Find things you like doing and get stuck in. I guarantee you'll meet similar minded people and everything will start to feel like it's coming together.
‘Boing Boing’ from a begrudging Baggie.
